The Interpersonal Experience
LIGHTWORKER’S WAY
Column 49
(As published in the Spiritual Niagara Newsletter -- November, 2014)
The Interpersonal Experience: A constant flow of energy
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgments; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ~ Brene Brown
We have two worlds going on at all times, our inner world and our outer world. And as we’ve come to realize, our inner world directly and indirectly affects our outer world.
As we shift our inner world – our belief system, our self-worth – we begin to interact differently with the world around us. Our thoughts also change with this shift. As we learn to go with the flow and see each event that crosses our paths with acceptance and a sense of the bigger picture, we send out positive energy into the universe, ricocheting around purposefully and drifting back to us in the form of positive opportunities and more essentially, positive people; people who are aware of the potential of the interpersonal experience.
What does it look like when someone receives energy?
What does it look like when someone gives energy?
Column 49
(As published in the Spiritual Niagara Newsletter -- November, 2014)
The Interpersonal Experience: A constant flow of energy
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgments; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” ~ Brene Brown
We have two worlds going on at all times, our inner world and our outer world. And as we’ve come to realize, our inner world directly and indirectly affects our outer world.
As we shift our inner world – our belief system, our self-worth – we begin to interact differently with the world around us. Our thoughts also change with this shift. As we learn to go with the flow and see each event that crosses our paths with acceptance and a sense of the bigger picture, we send out positive energy into the universe, ricocheting around purposefully and drifting back to us in the form of positive opportunities and more essentially, positive people; people who are aware of the potential of the interpersonal experience.
What does it look like when someone receives energy?
What does it look like when someone gives energy?
Our spiritual journeys, our face-to-face time with others changes profoundly. We begin to notice whether another person is communicating directly with us or using passive aggressive strategies to steal our power. Going even deeper, we dare to notice our own passive aggressive ways – because ya know, we all have them to one level or another.
In learning about the human race’s universal defenses – ways of coping with internal stress, anxiety and emotional turmoil (again, we are have our own turmoils and our own bag of tools here), we discover possible motives behind other people’s actions and reactions, and stop taking everything so personally. Since psychic vampires at different intensities are everywhere, we understand that it is crucial to shield ourselves with an armour of insights.
And then, just when we thought the whole realm of interaction was convoluted at best, consider the fact that boys and girls, men and women, communicate differently!! Now, how many of you just whispered or even yelled out loud, “I knew it!”?
BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE INTERPERSONAL EXPERIENCE
When we have over-active needs that stem from not having certain needs met in childhood and now we scramble almost at times desperately to figure out how we can get these starving needs met in adulthood, using unhealthy, conditioned ways, these over-active needs become barriers to several areas in our lives, including accomplishing effective interpersonal experience. Some of these needs are:
· Need for approval
· Need for attention
· Need for control
· Need to prove self
· Need to be right
· Need to be perfect
· Need to appear “all-knowing”
In learning about the human race’s universal defenses – ways of coping with internal stress, anxiety and emotional turmoil (again, we are have our own turmoils and our own bag of tools here), we discover possible motives behind other people’s actions and reactions, and stop taking everything so personally. Since psychic vampires at different intensities are everywhere, we understand that it is crucial to shield ourselves with an armour of insights.
And then, just when we thought the whole realm of interaction was convoluted at best, consider the fact that boys and girls, men and women, communicate differently!! Now, how many of you just whispered or even yelled out loud, “I knew it!”?
BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE INTERPERSONAL EXPERIENCE
When we have over-active needs that stem from not having certain needs met in childhood and now we scramble almost at times desperately to figure out how we can get these starving needs met in adulthood, using unhealthy, conditioned ways, these over-active needs become barriers to several areas in our lives, including accomplishing effective interpersonal experience. Some of these needs are:
· Need for approval
· Need for attention
· Need for control
· Need to prove self
· Need to be right
· Need to be perfect
· Need to appear “all-knowing”
When you travel your psychological journey, you were discover your own over-active needs, learn how they affect your interaction with your world, and how you can work with this part of you to better meet your needs.
Psychological barriers to good listening and responding can include: thinking of something else, forming own response instead of listening, resistance to new ideas, and boredom. While a few physical barriers can include: background noise, feeling sick, fatigue, and pain.
HOW TO RAISE PEOPLE’S ENERGY:
Here are some simple tips if you want to give positive energy to others to raise their moods and help clear their thinking:
· Instead of giving advice, guide others to figure out their own solutions. After all, they are the only ones who know what is right for them.
· Allow others to feel their own feelings, whatever they may be. We are not here to take away anyone’s pain before they’ve fully felt it.
· Be aware of your body language and tone of voice, not just the words you use.
· While you can’t fully understand what another’s experience is, you can let them know that you are trying to understand and ask questions of clarification to show you are interested.
Undivided, positive attention gives energy. When you give energy, you will automatically receive it back, one way or another. On the flipside, negative energy given such as passive-aggressive actions, anger and other strategies of emotional manipulation will steal another’s energy. At some point, the universe will balance things out and find a way to steal it back.
Face-to-face is crucial for us if we want to effectively interact – when we get our needs met – since communication is only 7% words, while body language is 70% and tone of voice is 23%, which is what we lose whenever we text, email or interact on facebook. So think about it, have you ever had problems with at least one relationship (platonic, family or intimate) in your life as a result of communication, or miscommunication through text, email or facebook?
As we go, once again, into the dark, cold days of winter, face-to-face exchange of energy is both more challenging for us as we typically tend to hibernate part-time and more imperative to our daily wellness as many of us struggle with the winter blues (51% of us have reported being affected by these times. Yes, texting and facebook do help alleviate some isolation stress but do not give us the treats and gifts only physical contact can provide.
If you haven’t read Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, I recommend that you do. Maybe make it a goal as a snow day book to curl up with sometime this winter. It was one of the first books for me on my spiritual path and I instantly came to call it my “manual to life”. Mr. Redfield tells a mean fictional story sprinkled with universal insights including who we are as energetic beings and how we interact with our world, including other living, energetic beings.
Who and what constitutes “living, energetic beings”? Everyone and everything around us!!
And, ya know, one of the best forms of interpersonal experience is – a hug!!! So, hug someone today! Hug two people! Hug four! Your wellness, and those you hug, depends on it.
May love and light keep you warm during these coming days,
~Christine
Lightworker’s Way: A Spiritual Niagara Column
30 Months Gathering
http://lightworkerswaycolumn.weebly.com/
Psychological barriers to good listening and responding can include: thinking of something else, forming own response instead of listening, resistance to new ideas, and boredom. While a few physical barriers can include: background noise, feeling sick, fatigue, and pain.
HOW TO RAISE PEOPLE’S ENERGY:
Here are some simple tips if you want to give positive energy to others to raise their moods and help clear their thinking:
· Instead of giving advice, guide others to figure out their own solutions. After all, they are the only ones who know what is right for them.
· Allow others to feel their own feelings, whatever they may be. We are not here to take away anyone’s pain before they’ve fully felt it.
· Be aware of your body language and tone of voice, not just the words you use.
· While you can’t fully understand what another’s experience is, you can let them know that you are trying to understand and ask questions of clarification to show you are interested.
Undivided, positive attention gives energy. When you give energy, you will automatically receive it back, one way or another. On the flipside, negative energy given such as passive-aggressive actions, anger and other strategies of emotional manipulation will steal another’s energy. At some point, the universe will balance things out and find a way to steal it back.
Face-to-face is crucial for us if we want to effectively interact – when we get our needs met – since communication is only 7% words, while body language is 70% and tone of voice is 23%, which is what we lose whenever we text, email or interact on facebook. So think about it, have you ever had problems with at least one relationship (platonic, family or intimate) in your life as a result of communication, or miscommunication through text, email or facebook?
As we go, once again, into the dark, cold days of winter, face-to-face exchange of energy is both more challenging for us as we typically tend to hibernate part-time and more imperative to our daily wellness as many of us struggle with the winter blues (51% of us have reported being affected by these times. Yes, texting and facebook do help alleviate some isolation stress but do not give us the treats and gifts only physical contact can provide.
If you haven’t read Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, I recommend that you do. Maybe make it a goal as a snow day book to curl up with sometime this winter. It was one of the first books for me on my spiritual path and I instantly came to call it my “manual to life”. Mr. Redfield tells a mean fictional story sprinkled with universal insights including who we are as energetic beings and how we interact with our world, including other living, energetic beings.
Who and what constitutes “living, energetic beings”? Everyone and everything around us!!
And, ya know, one of the best forms of interpersonal experience is – a hug!!! So, hug someone today! Hug two people! Hug four! Your wellness, and those you hug, depends on it.
May love and light keep you warm during these coming days,
~Christine
Lightworker’s Way: A Spiritual Niagara Column
30 Months Gathering
http://lightworkerswaycolumn.weebly.com/